Today is Bell Let's Talk Day 2015. This day is centered on having conversations about mental illness. Texting by Bell customers, using hashtags and sharing a photo on social media Bell will donate 5 cents to Canadian mental health programs. One in five Canadians will experience mental illness in their life time.




I thought I'd talk about mental illness. I have suffered with depression in my past. I do not suffer now. I am a survivor. I am a force to be reckoned with. I know how to tend to my soft soul. I nurture myself which has been a practice in preservation. I believe in myself and my blessings are bountiful. I recognize that quiet reflection is healing. I need stillness frequently to soothe my spirit.

I wasn't always so in tuned to my needs.

I wrote this story about my pain, a few years ago. To personify depression I called it "He"


I've known depression intimately. He was a possessive companion, never allowing interference of others. He enveloped me, surrounded me, making me blind to those who cared about me. He made me feel weak, dependant on him, robbing me of my self esteem. Set adrift, bereft of supportive others in my sea of blankets lying with him who is depression.

I clung to the familiarity of my relationship with depression, I didn't know where I ended and he began. We struggled at times, I asked, "Why do you always follow me", like a shadow lurking, holding my hand.

He replied, you need me, you are all alone, and who else can you depend on?" I was drawn closer to my familiar friend.

I held on to depression, my solitary friend who led me to dark places that I never wanted to visit, let alone live in. I had no energy to fight him. He held me captive in my bed. My bed should have been my place of peace and stillness. He made it a place of relentless torture. He battered my spirit. He caressed my spirit with feelings of discouragement and despair. He seduced me with his darkness.


I'll leave you with a quote that I hold dear,

Anaïs Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

I promise you that you are worthy and there is promise in tomorrow.

V

You are stronger than you have yourself believe. You get stronger with every obstacle you encounter.

promise yourself you will not allow negativity to cast a shadow on your day.

I encourage you to seek out people who lift you up so you can get a better view.

I wish for you to believe the world is a more marvelous place just because you exist.

I want for you to handle your dreams with the upmost respect. Nurture them always.

Your life story, has the most perfect leading character; YOU. Believe in your story, your truth.

Let Go and Let God.

Accept the beautiful and wonderous mysteries in life. With grace, welcome life's mysteries.

Be grateful....if even for your breath, if even for the sun, the rain or the caress of the wind. Be grateful, it will move you on the right path.

Love yourself like 'nobody's business'. You deserve to love yourself unconditionally.

Loving yourself doesn't make you vain or selfish, it makes you indestructible. Love your tender bits and your vulnerability. You deserve to love yourself. You may have told yourself that you aren't worthy and valuable. I'm telling you to write down a new set of beliefs for yourself based on love, compassion and empathy. I'm telling you to write a brand new page. Today you write the words for the screen play starring You. Today, you cast the players in your life. Today, you are the director, author, the producer. God didn't make a mistake when you were brought into this world. You are a miracle, you are a blessing.

count your blessings. good night - V

♥

Myrtle: You know I know this man put a hurtin' on you baby, but you've got to forgive him. No matter what he done, you've got to forgive him - not for him, but for you.

Helen: Forgive him for me?

Myrtle: When some body hurts you they take power over you, if you don't forgive them then they keeps the power. Forgive him baby and after you forgive him, forgive yourself.

(Dialogue from the movie "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" -Tyler Perry 2005

Forgiveness is one of my favorite subjects to blog about and to talk about. I am reminded this morning of the healing transformation that takes place with forgiveness.

Forgiveness allows us to see ourselves in a loving, gracious light. To hold onto anger and bitterness towards a person we feel weighed down with such negative feelings that often become directed at our own selves.

When we feel wounded and hurt because of what another person has done to us, we can be prone to lash out at others. I believe the negative emotions inside of us will be released either by forgiving the one that hurt us or by hurting those around us. Others in our lives will suffer because of our suffering.

When we aren't at peace, those in our lives will feel the effects. Forgiveness is like a healing circle. We feel its healing effects and those around us feel the effects of our loving transformation from the practice of forgiveness.

Forgiving doesn't mean condoning the hurtful behavior of the other person. Forgiveness is about our own heart. Forgiveness doesn't have to be about the other person, it starts with the heart and radiates to everyone in your life. Forgiveness is about healing ourselves. Forgivenes is truly a gift of self love.

♥

I wrote this a few years ago and sought it out in an old blog that I used to have. Hope you are inspired What is your motivation today?


People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing - that's why we recommend it daily.
-- Zig Ziglar

I was exchanging views on motivation and success with a friend. I told her that we should ask ourselves, "What is my motivation for getting out of bed this morning"? as oppossed to thinking "positive thoughts' or dreading the possibilities of what the day may bring.

Motivation is as individual as you are. Whatever it is that motivates you is the spark that lights your fire. What is it that gets your heart pumping?

We have to realize what our values are. If you aren't motivated by high sales and a chunky pay cheque then being the salesperson of the week isn't going to get you fired up. Are you motivated by reaching out to others to inspire and lead by courage? Your career path may lead you into the career of supporting others.

I am motivated by daily goals and long term goals. My daily goals are little golden nuggets to entice me to get my day started. My long term goals and aspirations give me a firm motivational kick that really propels me. I know that if I'm just looking at my daily motivations it can only take me so far. The daily motivation reminds me of the horse that sees the carrot dangling in front of it. The long term motivation pushes me further when the carrot in my field of vision becomes too repetitive.

My motivation comes from confidence in the aspects of my life that I can't quite see yet. I believe this is called faith. I may not be able to see the pot 'o gold just yet, however I believe it will appear when I am ready for it. Faith takes practice, it is like a muscle that strengthens when we exercise it.

I believe that we should get our confidence from within ourselves. When we seek approval from others it lets us feel off balance and our belief in ourselves are swayed by the opinions of others. If we are to truly believe the positive things people say about us wouldn't we also believe the negative? I don't indend this to mean that we disregard everything that is said about us by others. I mean that what others say about us should be viewed with our own true reality of ourselves. We can hear an opinion of ourself from another person and we can distinguish whether it is truth or fiction. I don't believe it is healthy to attach every little opinion from every person onto ourselves. We have the right to disregard what we feel is untrue. Our confidence can motivate us to accomplish what we envision for our life.

Write down your what your goals are. Write down your long term and short term goals are. Hold yourself accountable for following through on your goals. Assess and reasses your goals daily, weekly, monthly and yearly. Are your goals reasonable? Are your goals feasable considering all the obligations in your life? Are you having fun while achieving your goals?

I believe that prayer is what centers me when my goals leave me near sighted. Prayer helps my vision when I can't see beyond the next step in my journey. Prayer reminds me that I'm not alone.

The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.
-- James Allen

just breathe

I am a carpenter in the making. I began the carpentry two year program in September of 2014. I almost quit a few times, quite a few times to tell the truth. I didn't feel like I was getting it. I didn't want to ask for help. Now, into our second semester I ask for help, tenatively and I feel like I'm starting to "get it". I'm not the head of the class, I'm not even in the middle, however, I'm nudging my way from the bottom of the class. I'm 43 years old and a female in a male dominated career path. I hate mentioning the male/female angle of this career path. I have felt that asking for help from my instructor and from classmates is something I don't want to do because I don't want to look "stupid". I don't want to appear like I am not "getting it" . I would struggle and then the round and round cycle of freaking out because of my struggle, then I felt vulnerable and shame because of my struggle. The circle would go around and around. I love so much about carpentry. I'm loving the smell of wood. I love the feel of wood that is sanded and oh, so smooth. I love the swirls of the grain in the wood. I am really digging the stages from planning a project all the way to the finish. I really enjoy the learning curve of each new power tool and hand tool I handle. I got into this initially because every time I have walked into a house for as long as I can remember, I envision a wall being knocked down, a door added or a new wall in place. I have become very intrigued by off the grid living, the small home movement and living "greener". I want to learn more about sustainability when building and upgrading homes. Let's fix our leaky pipes, get low flow toilets and shower heads installed and do some weather stripping. Plant gardens rather than lawns. Throw your food waste in the compost and get some nutient rich soil in return. I'm reading blogs and websites on how people are living greener in their homes. I am getting so zen with the sanding and focusing on my task at hand. I try to remember to measure twice and cut once, which is not always easy for me. I've always had a scattered mind, my mind has always been in "brain storm mode". I'm not sure where carpentry will take me. I know I am proud of myself for expanding my mind and being courageous. Be well, V